Baby Ruth?

To let you know, Rep. Trent Franks (R-AZ) recently called President Obama an “enemy of humanity” for supporting a woman’s right to choose whether to carry a fetus to term or not. Bethany Barker, his flack, clarified that the Congressman did not mean that Obama was an enemy of humanity so much as an enemy of God and UNBORN humanity.

Good that was cleared up.

Franks, for the record, also recently renewed his calls for Obama to produce his birth certificate. Not that he doesn’t believe our president is a citizen, he is quick to point out – he just wants to get everone on the same page.

Franks should be more worried about his own history. The National Razor was not going to publish the shocking photo that Franks has kept hidden for years – the secret shame of his family that might account for his behavior and sentiments. However, pressed by his unrelenting, unfounded and inflammatory hyperbole, and refusal to even consider courses of action that might reconcile the political factions in the nation and ameliorate the many problems that threaten to put our Republic on the brink of collapse, TNR has no choice.

We now reveal that Trent Franks was actually born Trentino Fratelli, in Astoria, Oregon. Is there a bell ringing in your brain? Fratelli? Astoria? Perhaps you remember the reign of terror perpetrated there by a band of ruthless and evil people, a vile clan of ne’er-do-wells who all shared one last name: Fratelli. 

Congressman Franks can deny the truth all he wants, can say that his birth certificate is genuine and that he is who he claims. However, a picture tells a thousand words, and there’s no denying that these thousand words add up to just three: unmistakable family resemblance.   

Behold!

Rep. Trent Franks - or should we say, the fifth Fratelli
Rep. Trent Franks - or should we say, the fifth Fratelli
Lotney "Sloth" Fratelli, the Congressman's secret shame
Lotney "Sloth" Fratelli, the Congressman's secret shame

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Admittedly, we have absolutely no evidence whatsoever that Franks is actually a former member of the Fratelli Gang, and rumors that his first run for Congress were financed by a cache of jewels and gold bullion recovered from an ancient but remarkably well-preserved pirate vessel are still unconfirmed.

Yet apparently we can say whatever we want about whomever we want with utter impunity and regardless of taste, tact or logic.
Just ask Trentino.
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